It's been almost 3 months since that day...
I finally have the courage to talk about it...
A good friend of mine and I were talking back in October about photographing the birth of her baby, who was due around Thanksgiving. I was giddy with excitement!! I'd be capturing my first "live birth". I knew I wanted to do this for some time. Maybe it's the nurse in me, but I always want to capture those "moments" in life that will stay with us forever...
Kristin is my friend. We would talk at the soccer fields about the day I'd be called to come to her house to capture the joy of delivering her baby surrounded by her family and surrounded by love. She was worried about calling me on Thanksgiving, I told her I'd be there no matter what....
No matter what...
The call came on November 6th!! Ashley (Kristen's oldest daughter) called around 7am...left me a message.
I saw the missed call and scurried to the bathroom to get dressed!! I was so excited!!
Then I listened to the message.
Dear God.
"Elaine, it's Ashley. We are at the hospital....the baby didn't make it."
The rest was a blur.
Then she asked if I'd still come and take the newborn pictures. Only if I could handle it....
Only if "I" could handle it....???
What are "they" handling right now....???
I literally fell to my knees and prayed to God to give me the wisdom, power, endurance, strength, and ability to be there for my friend and her family.
Of course I will come....
I waited till after 9pm for the word that Baby Girl, Judah Jubilee, arrived. Then I went to the hospital.
I vaguely remember the ride there. Friends and family were calling and praying for ME.....all I kept saying in my head was, "Stop, Stop, Stop.....don't pray for me, pray for them!!!" Stop....I need to do this for them! I want to do this for them! Pray for them!!"
I arrived at St. Luke’s and went to them. All eyes in the hallway were reddened and glazed over. Heads were hung low. Small smiles made their way out somehow upon greetings. Then I went to her....
HIS power overcame me!! There was no more fear, no more confusion, no more anxiety.....I saw her pretty little face!! And I fell in love!
And I did my job...
These words were written by her mother…
Judah Jubilee Young, our beloved rainbow baby was born asleep to her family. Her cord was too tightly wrapped to survive delivery. She will always be my 5th daughter, my 7th child - dedicated to praise the name of the Lord. We thank God for the blessing of her spectacular creation, for her beauty, and the privilege to be her parents. I will hold each moment I held her forever. Judah Jubilee - desperately wanted, completely loved, always remembered.
Judah Jubilee was perfect in every way.
Why??
I don’t know. Only HE knows.
I’m not writing this for applause for my work, or courage to do this….this is NOT about me.
I’m writing this because there is a family close to my heart that is grieving HARD. They need to be pulled out of the pit of darkness this loss has driven them to.
They need our prayers.
They need to know that they are not forgotten.
They need to know that baby girl, Judah Jubilee, will never be forgotten.
Please pray for Kristin, Curt and Judah Jubilee’s 6 siblings.
I am a mother.
I am a wife.
I am a nurse.
I am a Christian.
I am a friend.
I am a photographer.
And what I see through my lens...every smile, every tear, joy, pain, love, grief, celebrations, and even death...enters my soul. And I love what I do. And I thank God he allows me to do this.
And I will always hold Judah Jubilee in my heart….
17 Comments
Nov 3, 2015, 10:01:04 PM
Melissa - Judah is a beautiful baby, my heart breaks for her family. I can only understand her family pain all to well. Our 7th child our daughter Skylar was stillborn at 41 weeks from a placental abruption on May 18, 2012. Thankfully we had a wonderful photographer from the group Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep come and take her pictures. We are forever greatful to them for all they did for us.
Apr 5, 2013, 3:21:11 PM
Sharon - Beautiful. Touching. Bringing tears to the eyes. What a wonderful gift you have given this family.
Jan 24, 2013, 10:47:25 AM
Chrissie - I think it's truly wonderful that the parents still asked you to take the photos and that you did such a great job with the photos. My husband and I had a full-term stillborn 17 years ago. The nurses took a Polaroid shot of the baby. We were horrified by the thought at first, but then decided it was a good idea. I haven't had a year go by where I have not pulled out that photo several times. It brings me peace as I look into my son's face and remind myself I will see him again someday in Heaven.
Jan 24, 2013, 12:42:27 AM
Jeanette Young - My heart goes out to your family. I can not begin to imagine the pain your heart must feel but please know that your family is in my prayers. Judah Jubilee is the perfect name for such a beautiful little girl. I believe she is now with God watching over her parents and siblings, keeping them safe and helping them heal. My prayers are with you all.
Jan 23, 2013, 8:49:20 PM
Medina Santos - What a heartbreaking, beautifully told story you have shared, Elaine. I was moved to tears, reading this aloud, to my husband, who was equally saddened. There is nothing more precious than a new life, "fearfully and wonderfully made," and to carry that life, for 9 months, only to give it back to The Lord, right away....I cannot fathom....I've never met this family and likely never will, but I can see, through your words and your eyes, how loving and strong they are, and I feel blessed to have witnessed their faith, in action, at the most painful of times. Praying for them all....Medina <3
Jan 23, 2013, 8:26:31 PM
Laurie Giannetti Mirchandani - Thank-you for posting. I will never forget baby Judah Jubilee. I would not have know how beautiful she is if it were not for the pictures. Thank-you Elaine.
Jan 23, 2013, 7:24:39 PM
Jenny - Beautiful, so touching! Thank you for sharing. praying for all of you!
Jan 23, 2013, 6:00:27 PM
Kristin - What is a picture? Is it a memory, a feeling, a thought? Sometimes it is everything. It is a connection. It is joy and grief. It is the way a little girl might not forget something she fears she might. Sometimes it is the only string connecting us to the reality our mind cannot accept. Sometimes it captures our heart.Sometimes it is a lifetimes of memories and dreams. Sometimes it is all we have. ..To those who humbly come alongside, share our hearts, and offer this gift- you give us everything. Thank you Elaine
Jan 23, 2013, 4:01:40 PM
Judith N Weaver - Hi, thanks for sharing that....a year ago I had a stillbirth delivery....it was a very scary journey and while I would never want to do that again...I can declare God's faithfulness!
Jan 23, 2013, 4:01:17 PM
Scott Snyder - What a beautiful, heartbreaking story. Thank you for sharing it. What an amazing thing you did for Judah's family.
Jan 23, 2013, 2:50:02 PM
Ashleigh Young - Elaine, I am so overwhelmed. I cannot believe you had the courage to post this. I knew it would be hard for you but I had no idea that Judah would mean so much to you. Thank you again. I look at her pictures every day, and each time I do I think of you. <3
Jan 23, 2013, 1:21:24 PM
Mariana - So beautiful, touching, heartfelt and sad. No parent should endure such a loss. Prayers to everyone affected, especially her parents. An angel not forgotten.
Jan 23, 2013, 12:20:00 PM
Michelle Webb - Wow!...wiping the tears from my eyes....there is no answer for this question, you are right...only God knows. I think I have been very touched in that my first born was delivered with the cord around his neck and his first Apgar's test was a 0. I only can remember my husband hovering over me so that I could not see what was happening. Luckily Corey was revived and is well today....I share this story because life is SO VERY PRECIOUS. We live each day to the fullest because we have no way of knowing what tomorrow brings or why it is happening. I THANK GOD that you were there for this beautiful family Elaine to capture something so special to them. Your photography is phenomenal and the joy that you bring to others with your special talent is AMAZING. I am praying for Kristin, Curt and Judah Jubilee....love, peace and prayers surround you all.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Jan 23, 2013, 12:17:27 PM
Chris Heinz - Elaine, what a perfectly powerful story, borne of tears, but full of grace. Thank you for remaining available for God to use you.
I wrote yesterday about death..Death Is In The Air and It Stinks:
http://www.csheinz.com/read/post/death_is_in_the_air
Bless you,
Chris
Jan 23, 2013, 11:42:53 AM
Marcy Repp - Moved beyond words...I will never
Jan 23, 2013, 9:27:18 AM
Benno - I couldnt hold tears. And i'd never ever be able to do the shots. Prayers for the family. one cant even imagine what a feeling it hast to be, to lose an unborn child.... still crying.
Jan 22, 2013, 6:14:12 PM
stacy stergio - Beautiful!!!!!!